New York from the back

A couple of days ago I had 5:27:54 to think about running a marathon while running a marathon. This was my second slowest marathon ever. My slowest was over two years ago, the last time I ran New York. I was ill and injured, and eternally grateful to my friend Heather who was waiting at the end to bribe a Pedi-Cab to take us back to the hotel. This time round I was injured (managed to avoid being ill) and was determined not to experience the same miserable depths of last time. So I wore a tutu. And Lidocaine pads. And although there were some agonizing moments, I made it relatively unscathed, and did indeed have way more fun than before. Maybe I’m just destined to enjoy myself from the back of the pack. I think I’m ok with that. I finished the day off eating pizza and drinking Coca Cola in the bath. Pretty close to bliss.

Here are a couple of observations from the back of the pack:

- Venezuelan spectators wear the craziest foam things on their heads

- Race walkers have really nice bums

- Europeans don’t mind shoving and pushing. In fact it’s a requirement if you’re European.

- Italian people talk to you even if you don’t understand them

- Not enough men wear deodorant

- If you see something while you’re running a marathon, like a South African amputee running, and you start to cry, don’t. Because then you can’t breathe and you start to cough at lot

- If you sing out loud to the chorus of Freshlyground’s “Doo Bee Doo” while you’re running, people get a fright

- If you listen to Freshlyground’s “Doo Bee Doo” for 3 miles at the end of a marathon, you can almost forget the frightening cramp in your right buttock

- If you ululate while crossing the finish line of the New York Marathon, people get a fright

- When you run through the really “frum” (religious) Jewish neighborhood, they don’t seem to like it when you yell Baruch Hashem (Thank God)

- Can someone please explain why those women wear only one style of sheitel (wig) in the same mousy color?

- And why do all religious Jewish families dress their kids in matching coats? Generally brown with pink piping.

- People really like banging on their kitchen utensils

- tutus should be mandatory

- A Canadian lady asked me if I was still up from last night’s Halloween celebrations

- I told her to go back to where she came from

- If you have man boobs, don’t take your shirt off

- It’s lonely running a marathon without a support team. I kept having to pretend that other people’s families were mine

- God bless the lidocaine pads!